How to Be Happy (if You Are Not Extroverted)

Of course, different people of different backgrounds would have different answers to the question on how to be happy. However, no one can claim that he/she has a definite answer to this. Even behavioral experts admit that this is a subjective question and happiness is a subjective trait all of us continue to seek and build in our daily lives.

The thing is, when you look up “how to be happy” or “how to be a happy person” on the internet, most of the results that will come up on the first page of search engines show that happy people are extroverted and outgoing. Although those articles claim that happy people are people who have decided to be happy, they also assert that it shows in their extroversion and outgoingness.

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Really then? What about about those people who are not extroverted and outgoing? What if you are a person who enjoys silence? Is being ostentatious and loud a mark of real happiness?

Trying to be outgoing, especially if you are faking it, can cause unwanted stress


This is the thing when some people conclude and generalize that outgoing people are happy and extroverted actions will lead to happiness. If you follow such comment, you will try to be like that even if you are not into that kind of thing.

If you are normally not an extrovert type of person, being lurid and sociable will not be a source of joy for you. It will only lead to pretentiousness and cause you self-doubt and anxiety.

Being yourself is still the best way to lead your life in the pursuit of happiness. It is time tested and behavioral scientists have proven it to be effective.

Contentment is the key


Most of the time, unhappiness happens because you desire too many things or you expect too much from those around you, thereby causing much envy and frustration. Envy is the enemy of happiness and frustration can be beaten by a simple act of lowering your expectation.

Read more about how envy ruins your happiness on the Two Heads of the Green Eyed Monster and learn how to Contain Disappointment and Frustration.

Some people may try to contradict this idea by saying that being content is tantamount to being mediocre. How sad it is when contentment is identified as mediocrity and how living simply is seen as a waste of one’s life. If you are one of those who see no difference between mediocrity and living simply and contented, read the essay on Why Simplicity Does Not Make You Happy.

Most of time, extroversion is a mask to hide inner sadness


Some say that happy individuals want the company of many people. They prefer to be so than to be in solitude reading a good book (quote and quote). The proponents of this supposition claim that happy people are “energized by the social world.” Ok, given that it is true, what if the moment comes when they need to be alone and there are no more people to surround them? So they will lose their energy, then.

Surely, you are not daft to not know about celebrities who committed suicide even if they appeared to be “happy” because they are famous and are surrounded by people all the time. The thing is, real friends cannot be called as such merely by just being around you. You know how most people are attracted to those who are rich and famous; this is dangerous as wealth and fame are magnets for fake friends as well. It is better to have few but sincere friends than to have thousands of them but who do not care about you at all, worse if they are just after your ruin.

In the end, happiness cannot be determined by how sociable you are and how you are admired by other people – it is how you can accept yourself, warts and all.

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