The ‘They Do Nots’ of Secure People

It is a sign of strength and security when people are at peace with themselves. Because they carry themselves lightly, they also bring this lightness to others whom they come in contact with – and this is a good thing. It is such a positive trait that almost all humans will never admit their insecurities. I find it ludicrous that even the most insecure people will deny that they are so, and they are too good at it that they themselves believe it to the point they become engrossed with self-admiration. Because of this, the real meaning of being secure has become a blur.

My wish is that you, dear Reader, do not blur the qualities of being secure. Flaws and insecurities are part of being human; what is bad is that you delve too much on them and you allow them to control how you see yourself and the world, which may eventually cause you more miserable insecurities.

So how do you know if people are secure with themselves or not?

1. They do not need to pretend

We all need to achieve something, and we call this something as our goal. Having goals is normal, in fact, it is ideal to have goals. However, when the goal transforms into pretension and faking yourself to someone you are not, then something inside you is making you insecure. It is an ill feeling that triggers you to show off and forget about who you really are. Or maybe you want to appear that you are better than everyone else, so you exaggerate a feat you did. You may feel a sense of adulation, as people may tend to believe you at first, but such gratification is fleeting and may even be dodgy because there is the danger of being exposed of your true self.

2. They do not get envious

Many times I have discussed about envy in some of the articles here in If you have been keeping a close touch with this online digest, you would certainly be accustomed to it. One particular article that specifically discusses about the deadly sin of envy is the Two Heads of the Green Eyed Monster.

Envy can be converted into inspiration and motivation, but if it takes hold of you and gives you an ill-feeling of discontent when you see the good fortune of your fellowman, then envy becomes a sinister parasite that eats up your mind. It can hurt both you and the people you come in contact with.

Envious people have a hard time being happy, which is the opposite for folks who are secure. Their only source of happiness is getting ahead of people – they love the appearance of being better than others both in fortune and in skill – even if it is just on the surface. The thing is, such type of happiness is momentary; they will immediately return to their hidden feeling of internal misery.

3. They do not get angry easily

Why would they? There are thick-skinned 😊. Seriously speaking, however, being onion-skinned is a mark that you are hiding something – and the more things you hide underneath, the more you become sensitive to any touch on your nerves. The best way to solve this: Embrace yourself – thickness or thinness, and all!

So yes, secure people do not get hurt easily. In turn, they do not get angry too much. Simply speaking, they are not sensitive. Oh, even if they do become sensitive, it is more so because somebody needs to be shown an act of kindness – not a smite of madness.

4. They do not talk too much

Because they do not feel the need to show off, pretend, or prove themselves, they find it unnecessary to talk especially when not spoken to. Having said that, do not think that you should be quiet all the time just to show to people that you are secure with yourself. If you are doing that, then you are trying to fake it – and that is certainly not a sign of security.

Talk when the moment behooves you to talk, but more so, lend your ears to those who need to be listened to. You may learn a thing or two. Do not listen so you can plan what you are going to say, but do so because you want to understand. As the late Stephen Covey would like to put it…


5. They do not dwell on the bad

Bad things happen to both good people and bad people, and good things come like so as well. Luck is random, but not your decisions and choices – they are the things that are under your control. That is why secure people are easy with themselves; they do not focus on the bad stuff.

If you want to feel secure, then rise up when you fall, learn from it, move on, and keep doing so at a pace that will not give you a heart attack (in other words, move with the right speed that allows you to enjoy your journey).

No need to look for a secure person, as you can be one yourself. All you need is a little practice. If that does not work, then you need to practice MORE until it becomes a HABIT - the habit of being secure.

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